APPRECIATE IN PUBLIC,
FEEDBACK IN PRIVATE
We met a couple for drinks recently. Lots of chit chat turned into a discussion on virtual assistants such as the Amazon Echo. We expressed horror as we realized that these things are constantly listening to us and the lady mentioned to her spouse “we need to get these out of the bedroom” for obvious reasons !! His response – to dismiss her with the wave of his hand and say “ you are always paranoid”. Over snacks and wine he repeated the word “paranoid” twice again. She changed the topic promptly.
There are many versions of this conversation
“ He is not bothered about house work. I do everything”
“ She is the tough task master. We are all her slaves”
It seems to be a point of pride to make snide remarks about one’s partner in front of others.
Either because we cannot make it to their face directly or its some weird form of tough love we want to exhibit in front of others.
- Growing distance
- Weaker relationship
- Lower energy for all
Remember this habit gains us nothing but makes us lose the support of the most important person in our life – our spouse.
So what can we do
- Write down 5 things you appreciate about your spouse – the food they make, how they look, how they care about you, how they have smart financial acumen, how they are well respected at work, how they look great when they wear black or red etc
- When you go out next make it a point to make one of these positive points about your spouse in front of others
- Practice saying “Stephanie is a wonderful cook. I don’t ever want to go to a restaurant” or “Ravi always makes sure my morning cup of tea is freshly served in bed. Love the mornings due to this sweet gesture from him”
You can still continue to feedback in private 1-1. Its much more acceptable and less damaging to your relationship.
Do this for 30 days and watch the magic – watch how this simple shift will dramatically increase energy, vitality, love, compassion and kindness